My misery for my ministry: Contents under pressure

Graphic by Bruna Costa

Behold! This is the day the Lord has made. Let us rejoice and be glad in it. Faith and destiny have brought us safe thus far. And the divine hand of God is on those who trust and obey his word and his voice. Praise God from whom all blessings flow. The favor of God is upon those who trust and believe in him. 

It’s a new season. It’s a new year! I am grateful for a new year I’ve never seen. To God being the glory, great things he hath done. I would be remiss if I did not give honor first to God who has kept me through dangers seen and unseen, and if it had not been for the Lord on my side, where would I be? 2023 was very trying, tedious and difficult. There were times when I felt like I was singled out to be picked on and challenged because of my present condition. 

I will be 60 years young on April 29. As a young man, I was always active, physically fit and athletic. Athleticism has always a part of my DNA. Around the ripe age of 10, my journey began. The Police Boys and Girls Club was an intricate part of my upbringing and nurturing to a degree in the absence of my biological father. Back then was somewhat tragic to a point. The eighth child of nine children, five boys and four girls. My mom was a significant force in my life. God rest her soul. She’s gone on home to glory yet still her spirit is reverent within me. 

I’ll always love my mom because she has always been there to protect and encourage me, come what may. Mom was a domestic worker and she worked for two prominent lawyers in the Chevy Chase area. She was a beautiful woman inside and out and she was a nurturer. And she did not play or take any junk. She was sweet to us, but she would bust your butt! She was short but she became a giant when we got out of order. Oh, how I miss her so. Jan. 24 was her celebration of life. 

To add insult to injury, my brother died not too recently, God rest his soul. Then my sister, 67 years young, my best friend, retired in the last year. Unwarranted, she experienced a tragic complication where her intestines imploded. She had to have emergency surgery. Praise God she is still with us. 

This is a year of new beginnings in health, wealth and prosperity in all areas of my life. It is the beginning of the end of my foolishness I’ve entertained for too long. 

My mom is truly missed and I look forward to embracing her again on that great day when God rolls me back into the sky and calls all his children unto himself. There is so much foolishness going on in this world that sometimes you don’t know which way to go. What the world truly needs is the overwhelming, never-ending love of God. 

Love covers a multitude of sins. At times, I feel like I’m imploding from within and all hell seems to be breaking loose. It feels like at times I just don’t know which way to turn. Seems like the more I try to do good, evil is always lurking around in an attempt to abort the mission and call God has upon my life. But to no avail, victory shall be mine despite and just because. 

Although the war is waging and raging within me, I refuse to give up in the fight because the stage has already been set and conclusively all God’s children win. Fight on with the good fight of faith. Get your mind right. That’s where the battle is waged. The battlefield is the mind. We must be so careful of what we take into our eye sockets and our ear gates. Keep those uniforms on. If God is here for us, we can stand up and fight. 

Do you ever feel ill will is directed towards you even when you are truly trying your best to do what’s right? A lot of self-destructive behaviors I’ve been acquainted with in the past are no longer relevant yet still the struggle within me persists regardless of all the good I do and will do. 

Truth be told, now and again I question God because he is in control over all and us all. If God knows the beginning to the end, why does he allow not-so-good things to befall us, especially when some of us are striving to be the best we can be? I have to just accept what God allows. I hear it said that what doesn’t kill you makes you stronger. Yes, that may be true to an extent, but that internal struggle is real and leaves one broken and down and that feeling of losing it. Adversity builds character. I’ve heard it declared and in the same breath also tears one to shreds emotionally, spiritually and physically. 

Right now, I am in my process and it does not feel so good. I am having to bite down on my mouthpiece, silencing me to not reciprocate the attacks against me. It’s a hard thing to do when your offense is turned on. My natural response is to fight back but in a way God is changing me, to differ from past actions and it doesn’t feel good, especially when you know what you know. It’s difficult and tedious, but I do believe I am ready to be processed into who and what I’m becoming. 

If I miss the mark and I know at times I will, please don’t charge it to my heart but to my mind. I am only human. And I am trying to be the best me I can be. We have to strategize when dealing with life. Help us, Lord! Help me be a better version of me. I am powerless, but God has all the power!

Issues |Religion

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