CONTENT WARNING: Abuse, miscarriage, suicide
Strangers do not know I live with the thoughts of… I used to believe in the hope and faith that carried my life. My life felt full, complete, and free from family pain hurting my heart every day. For 10 years of my life, I was healthy spiritually. Some “Bible thumpers” say, “God gives you what you can handle.” Shut up!! God does not do anything for me. Where was God when I prayed not to be homeless again? Why was God not protecting me from that evil family and their allies?
God doesn’t protect me from people who hurt me on purpose, turn on me, are allies with the family who birthed me and created harmful events on purpose. God does not protect me from men who intentionally don’t love me but instead love my sister, men who intentionally let me know she’s better than I am or create lies that I am jealous of her, jealous of their relationship. Trauma brains discuss the outcomes of truth, gossip, and slander.
No! My anger is for creating me to be with humans who built a life on revenge against my heart. To drive me mad and then say I am crazy, making stuff up. I prayed to the holiest of grace and guess what? No one protects me, I do not have family, I am homeless because of others. Prayer does not repel harm, but you know what I do hear? Some “Bible thumpers” praying to the devil’s friction.
Strangers do not know I live with the thoughts of… Does anyone else feel this way too? Why did God stop protecting me, but the subjective God never did? That is an illusion being suggested by a cult enforced upon humans. Can we as humanity heal trauma with therapy, medications, meditation, martial arts, or other strategies without killing our spirit?
Strangers do not know I live with the thoughts of… There are seven types of love the ancient Greeks discussed: EROS (romance, passionate), PHILIA (affectionate, friendly), STORGE (unconditional, familial), AGAPE (selfless, universal), LUDUS (playful, flirtatious), PRAGMA (committed, long-lasting), and PHILUATIA (self-love). They are puzzle pieces, suggesting the greatness of humankind, that is of creation, a miracle, life and living with a grateful heart.
Strangers do not know I live with the thoughts of… Education is important when we as humanity do not know what a stranger feels every day. Abusers and enablers tell me to mind my business. Guess what, people did that to me as a child, minded their business. Now I live with trauma writing this piece, needing to go into a cocoon, hiding in a secret place where no one will find me, for the safety of my heart.
Strangers do not know I live with the thoughts of… She (my inner child) is exhausted from having to fight off the devil and its imps. I must protect my heart from feeling I am going to be arrested and “put away” to pay debts not of my own. My inner child is tired of protecting my mental health against hateful people who are child abusers, pedophiles, rapists, and enablers.
Strangers do not know I live with the thoughts of… I do not need nor want motherhood, to be married and other things, because they would not be safe. I prayed for a miscarriage so they will be safe, not here on earth (wherever souls go) so no one can take them from me to pay debts and break my heart. That would destroy my mental health. I prayed not to be on the streets, so my soul, identity, and dignity would not make me stop protecting inherited teachings.
Strangers do not know I live with the thoughts of… I am an INVISIBLE PROPHET!! If you acknowledge the satires of life instead of “oh pity her and her words.” No!! Are you an INVISIBLE PROPHET? When someone assumes suicide, you are the problem, not the human heart expressing pain, because the inner child is still struggling to find her footing in this vicious world.
Strangers do not know I live with the thoughts of… As I am a stranger, here speaks an empath fading into the abyss that is evil, creation without the protection of God. How much more can your mental health carry the weight of an invisible being you chant to every day asking for favors? This is my life that suggests I am wrong for having a cursed heart God created and I did not ask for nor “need.”
Strangers do not know I live with the thoughts of… Puzzle pieces of wolf and sheep!!
Strangers do not know I live with the thoughts of… This is an ODE to the mental health industry lacking accountability. False science based on assumptions is pertaining to the notion of notoriety. Government decisions are not based on my experience or anyone else’s. As a matter of fact, the government is losing their minds. Who will diagnose them?
Venting my thoughts to a therapist, will my words be turned upside down!! Meanwhile, the Council of the District of Columbia introduces a new Bill B25-0692 – Enhancing Mental Health Crisis Support and Hospitalization Amendment Act of 2024 (involuntary commitment). More on that next time.
Invisible Prophet is an artist/vendor with Street Sense Media.
