I sat down to have lunch with my homeless friend, Harry Jenkins, and came away a changed person. The purpose of the lunch was to discuss issues affecting the homeless, but I never could have guessed that he would change my life in such a profound way. Harry helped me understand something I have been struggling with for many years.
I’m sure almost everyone knows a person struggling through life, whether it’s drug or alcohol abuse, getting in trouble with the law, or just failing to meet the expectations they have set for themselves. I know several of these people and I have spent years trying to figure out how to help them. Of course it is difficult to change another person, but I was perpetually trying to find a way to help them. In my mind, there was always something I could do or try next that would turn the situation for the better.
In response, Harry stated that people are creatures of habit; whatever the person is experiencing, it is what they know. Further, he said, many people are cautious about change. He explained that it won’t necessarily work to just put a homeless person into a house. If they have been homeless for an extended period of time their habits need to change as well. If the outdoors is what they know, moving indoors can be a frightening, lonely experience. Changing a certain aspect of the problem will not fix it entirety.
He said people need to find the passion that makes it worth the struggle to achieve. It is very hard to struggle towards a goal if there is no motivation behind it. Harry discussed how his goals were always changing and the lack of accomplishment led to self hatred. The only solution to this, he said, was for that person to find something worth fighting for.
The pursuit of this passion is the individuals alone; no one else can do this for them. For those of us who care about them, the best we can do is let them know we care and will help to the best of our ability when the time comes.
There will always be those who do not find their passion. It is a fact of life that bleeding hearts like me have to realize. On the other hand, once a person finds what it is they want to fight for, it is a society’s responsibility to help them. This great nation speaks of helping those less fortunate-it is our responsibility, as the fortunate, to assist these people in getting back on their feet.
One of the best things a person can do to help, he said, is just to talk. Say “hello,” as this is often what will make the most profound impact. This basic display of communication is one of the most powerful motivators, knowing the world has not given up on them.
I came away from this conversation realizing that I have to let go. I can’t take responsibility for the fate of another person. At the same time, I need to be prepared to help if the person is ready to accept it. It felt like a great burden was being lifted from my shoulders. I had finally come to peace with the fact that I cannot save everyone. I also came to the realization that I can still be there for them, too.
