I’ve been holding on, waiting for my apartment, for too long.
I haven’t been getting as much sleep because I am worried someone is trying to attack me. I’ve been in so much drama in the street. I have bad dreams and wake up mad. I need to control my anger and my ways of thinking. I need some serious rest to help me check my actions.
I am not perfect. I am a man who didn’t grow up in a good household. And mental health issues make it difficult to know how to communicate what you feel to another person, family or friend.
I don’t even know who to trust because I’ve been lied to by people that get a paycheck to help me find housing.
Just when you think some people are in your corner, you find out they aren’t. It’s a lot of mind games. You get hurt and lied too. But I am staying strong and staying away from people that don’t have my best interests in mind.
Some folks will just use you to break you apart, like if they want to say at your place but don’t care what happens to you. It hurts deeply when you realize their true intentions.
Recently I even had to get away from family. I’ve been helping my mother with her health. It hurts me to see my mother struggle with sugar diabetes and know she can’t lose weight because it’s too hard for her to follow the directions. But I can’t be there anymore. She is playing a lot of mind games to cater to her needs and has shown me she does not appreciate anything. And just last year, my uncle tried to shoot me and kill me. So, no more.
I want to better myself and I just don’t want to be judged. One store says I am a thief. I did steal from them when I had no money, no food stamps and was roaming the street. But now, since, I’ve been checking my behavior, that’s not me.
A lot of people look at the homeless and have something negative to say, even if they don’t know the person. I hate to be judged or talked about like I am a bad person. More than that, I hate when some people walk past when I am selling the paper and treat me as if I am not a person.
I’m not a bad person, I just need to check my behavior and don’t worry about what people say about me. I want to thank God for waking me up this morning and giving me another chance to work with people again. And I want to thank everyone in Tenleytown for your help and assistance.
Please keep me in your prayers and have a blessed day.