Last time: Bill finds a secret compartment in the ring box and inside is a note with a cryptic message, detailing a specific location. He begins to decipher the riddle, and explains to Kittie its historical language. Kittie is in disbelief, wondering how Bill could know all of these facts..
“How the hell do you know that?” she asked, looking a bit frustrated.
“Because, my dear, besides being a member of the First Continental Congress, Commander-in-Chief of the Continental Army during the American Revolution, President of the Constitutional Convention, and serving two terms as the President of the United States elected under the U.S. Constitution, Washington also served as chairman of a Freemason lodge in Alexandria, Virginia. His title as such was ‘Worshipful Master.’”
“I know Washington was a Mason, smarty pants,” she responded. “And I know what a Worshipful Master is, but they generally don’t become gods.”
“In a manner of speaking, Washington did,” I told her, sticking my tongue out at her “smarty pants” crack.
“Seeing as most Americans at the time were at least nominally Christian of some sort or another,” she argued, “I don’t see how that’s possible.”
“Take it up with the architect of the Capitol then,” I responded sarcastically, “Because that is where he is deified.”
“How’s that?” she asked incredulously.
“Well, for starters, the ceiling of the Capitol Rotunda was painted into a massive fresco called ‘The Apotheosis of Washington.’ It depicts George Washington dressed in white robes, ascending to the heavens, surrounded by thirteen lovely maidens, representing the thirteen original states. The word ‘Apotheosis’ is Greek for ‘to become a god.’ It’s quite literally a painting of George Washington ascending to godhood.”
“In fact,” I continued, “It’s been said that the Rotunda itself was all but a temple to Washington, once complete with a statue of him dressed like Zeus and an eternal flame kept by an elderly woman on Federal pay, a Vestal Virgin, if you will. The flame is gone nowadays, but the statue is still on display at the Smithsonian American History Museum.”
“Okay… I don’t know how you know this stuff, but you still haven’t answered my question, why aren’t we going to the Capitol?” she asked, more confused than ever.
“Because, the clue says that ‘the shadow of Freedom’ points the way,” I explained. “The morning sun rises in the east, casting a shadow of the capitol which points due west toward the phallic symbol dedicated to the Worshipful Master.”
“Yeah, and the first 555 steps of a journey,” she mused, “so what’s that genius IQ of yours telling you about that?”
“The 555 steps represent the 555 feet in height that the phallic symbol in question stands,” I answered, knowing where she would go with it.
“A 555 foot phallic symbol?” she exclaimed. “I knew D.C. once had the world’s biggest chair, but what you’re describing has got to be the world’s biggest sex toy.” Leave it to Kittie to always have her mind in the gutter.
“No, babe, not the world’s biggest sex toy,” I chuckled, “but the world’s tallest obelisk. The obelisk is an ancient Babylonian and Egyptian symbol of divine masculinity and fertility, a phallic symbol, if you will, of a mojo, more spiritual than physical.”
“And you say this obelisk is in D.C.?” she asked.
“Yep, you’ve seen it with me a few hundred times or so,” I replied.
“Okay, if you say so,” she replied, deep in thought. “Obelisks? Demigod presidents? What’s it all mean?”
“It means we’re going to the Washington Monument tomorrow.”
(to be continued)
