Don is a pro fisherman; he has traveled all over the world fishing, catching the big ones, deep sea saltwater fishing and fresh water fishing as well. Don is well known in the fishing world as the man who can catch the ones that you can’t, the ones that got away.
Don and some fellow fishermen were sitting in the local bar on the dock, drinking some cold ones, when he overheard some fishermen talking about a bass that was too smart for them to catch. There’s a pond where the men have been catching fish for many years but lately they haven’t been able to catch a fish – not one, not even a bite. Their fish-finder shows that the pond is full of fish and they can’t understand what’s wrong. The men have tossed beer cans, Jack Daniels bottles, Fish and Stream magazines into the water, even a broken mirror.
There’s a big mouth bass that swims along the bottom watching the fishermen pull his friends out, and his friends never return. Sometimes he goes to the top of the water and from a distance watches the fishermen and listens to them talk. He tries to make sounds with his mouth, watching the fishermen’s mouths. Trying to talk, he swims to the bottom and looks in the mirror. Trying to make sounds, he looks at the Fish and Stream magazines and the pictures of fish.
Big Mouth thinks, “I’m a fish and they catch us, but why and for what?” Big Mouth practices saying words all night and day, trying to make sounds for four months. Then a strange thing happens. He makes a sound until he is able to talk.
Don is planning on going fishing this weekend at that pond. Betty, his wife, asks Don, “Dear, are you going fishing this weekend?”
Don answers, “Yes, you know fishing is my life.”
Betty says, “Yes, but I’m your wife. I think you need a new hobby. Don, I need you here. There are lots of things that need fixing.”
Don mutters and then says, “Yes, dear. Why are you trying to stop my fishing? I don’t want to stop.”
“I knew you would say that. Carol was right.”
“Carol. That shrink. You see her once a week. What does she know?”
“Carol says you are upset with the fishing. She wants both of us to come in.”
“I’m not going.”
“Oh, yes you are.”
In Don’s mind he is thinking, “I don’t need a shrink. My cold beer and my Jack Daniels are my shrink.” Don’s reply is “Yes, dear, when I come back…”
Don gets to the pond, lowers his boat in the water, thinking, “Well, if I have to stop fishing I will catch that fish and show them guys. I’m the best.” Don sees fish jumping in the water. He’s thinking, “Man, oh man. All these fish…” He laughs, saying, “Them boys must have had too much Jack Daniels to drink that day.”
Don is now in the middle of the pond and he opens a beer, takes a few sips, sits down upon his tackle box of hooks and lowers his best fishing rod that he had custom made. Don thinks, “These colorful shiny hooks will do the trick. No fish can resist these.” Don lowers his fish-finder. Instantly, the fish-finder shows fish all around him, even under the boat.
Don stands up in his boat, casts his line out, reels it back. No hit. He repeats that ten times. No hit. Don sits down and finishes his beer. He leans over the boat to fill the empty can of beer with water and lets it sink to the bottom. Don stands up in his boat again and casts out his line. This time Don doesn’t reel it in. He waits a second. A hit. Don feels pressure on his line. He jerks his line, reeling it back in. He can feel some resistance on it. All of a sudden a beer can appears, coming out of the water and straight for him, fast like a torpedo, passing his head and just missing him by inches.
Don’s thoughts are, “What the hell is going on here?” Don unhooks the beer can, looks at it, and says, “This is a new can. I put it under my boat and watched it sink. I didn’t cast my line under here.”
Don casts his line again. As soon as it hits the water the line takes off, going around his boat counter clockwise. Don makes a complete circle in his boat and then it stops. Don’s stopper hook is gone. All that he reels in is the line – it has been cut. Don sits down, opens his Jack Daniels, and takes big slurps of it.
Don looks into the water to see a huge bass. He has never seen one that big. It is just submerged at the top of the water, five feet away from his boat.
Don is thinking out loud, joking to himself, and says, looking at the big mouth bass, “I bet you did this.”
Looking at the bass’ mouth, Don sees many little bubbles, and hears, “Yes, I did.” Don almost falls in the water. Looking around, he says “Oh. OK, you guys. You’re here and you’re playing jokes. It’s not going to work. You can come out now.”
Don looks into the woods. No one comes out. Don looks back down, into the water at the bass. He hasn’t moved. Don’s mind is telling him, “No way.” Don looks at his fish net, thinking, “Maybe I can reach him with my net.” But when Don raises his net the bass moves back.
Don lowers the net back into the boat. He sits down lower in the boat, looking at the fish. He drinks his Jack Daniels. “It’s on now, fish. I’m going to catch you. I’m not leaving here without you.” Don, thinking out loud, talking to himself, says, “Betty, you’re right. You’re always right. I do need a shrink. I’m seeing and hearing talking fish. I guess I do need to stop.”
Big Mouth asks, “Your name is Don?”
Don answers, “Yes.”
“Why have you been talking to Betty?”
“Oh, what am I saying? I’m dreaming. This is not real.”
Big Mouth asks, “Don, are you good at something else?”
Don sits down, looking at Big Mouth. Big Mouth has come close. Don could reach him now, but he doesn’t try. Don answers, “Why yes, I can bowl and play baseball. My wife wants me to stop fishing. I think she is right. I don’t spend enough time with her. It’s about time I did.” Don is lying down in his boat with his head on his tackle box, talking to Big Mouth like Big Mouth is his shrink.
Big Mouth asks, “Do you care for your wife?”
Don answers, “Why yes, I love my wife.”
Big Mouth says, “I care for my friends. Do you see, Don? You don’t have to take us away from here. You are good at other things.”
Now Don sees Big Mouth as a friend and not a fish. Don looks at Big Mouth and asks, “You sure you haven’t been talking to Betty?”
Big Mouth looks up at Don, as if he is smiling, and disappears into the water. Don says, “Wait!” but Big Mouth is gone. Don never fished again.
Ivory Wilson has been a vendor for two years. He loves quilting in the wee hours of the morning on the Capitol steps.
