This article is from Street Sense’s special April Fool’s Edition.
As global financial-services firms merge, dissolve, or make significant cutbacks, former executives are forced to find new and different sources of income, sometimes in unexpected ways.
Geoffrey Winthrop, a former derivatives trader for the bankrupt Lehman Brothers, once well-known for bringing down the economy of a small European country, was forced from his Manhattan penthouse and onto the sofa of his less prosperous cousin, William, a procurement officer for the Department of the Air Force.
“Billy told me I had to get a job or sell my collection of vintage Mont Blanc fountain pens,” said Winthrop. “They’re always building on Park Avenue, but how many 1982 Meisterstück 149s are there?”
Meeting up with some former colleagues at a downtown soup kitchen, Winthrop realized that “our most marketable asset was our lifetime subscriptions to the Wall Street Journal.” From there, Winthrop hit on the idea of forming a cooperative where the former traders would pool copies of the day’s paper and he would sell them on the street for a significant markup. In the beginning, sales were slow.
“Unlike some of our former suppliers,” said Winthrop, “it wasn’t like any of us had that kind of ‘micro-enterprise’ sales experience.”
In the age-old tradition of foundering businesses, Winthrop brought in an outside consultant. L. Morrow, a long-time and highly successful Street Sense vendor, provided some much needed expert advice.
“I could tell right away that they had a good product but needed help optimizing their distribution channels and exploiting their brand identity,” recalled Morrow. “First, that 300% markup had to come down to just over the newsstand price. Second, you can’t go checking customers’ clothing labels before selling them a paper. Most important though, you gotta have the green vest.”
Winthrop and his associates are not alone. Economic forecasters predict a remarkable demographic shift in the number of former executives who could potentially turn to the untapped streetsales market. While accurate numbers are not yet available, unofficial indicators such as Brooks Brothers markdowns and high-end call girls working as baristas reveal a potentially idle labor force.
Some companies, trying to get out in front of this phenomenon, are tapping into this pool of former finance executives to augment their traditional sales units.
“These Wall Street guys have that innate grifter sensibility that has made them so successful selling ill-conceived products or products that don’t even exist,” said John Nakamura, Apple’s Vice President of Hustling and Flow Optimization.
“It does not matter how many human capital experts you deploy, this trait cannot be taught. So we take these hucksters out of Wall Street and turn them out on Main Street. It’s a win-win”
“I didn’t know how I was going to finance my kids’ education and was about to return my Macbook Air when I saw Apple’s ad for its experimental sales program,” said Henry Buckwalter, who lost his job in the Wachovia-Wells Fargo merger.
“But now I have the opportunity to provide maximum value to an innovative company like Apple.,” he added.
While executives like Buckwalter are content with their diminished status, for others it is not enough. Geoff Winthrop is busy developing a new strategy that will get him back to his Manhattan penthouse by leveraging the foot-traffic market and diversifying into the lucrative tie clip and shoeshine industry.
“It’s all about trust,” says Winthrop, “trust that your investor…er…customer’s tie will never flap in the breeze. Their shoes will never be scuffed. And, of course, staying one step ahead of the regulators, sorry, I mean police. I can’t lose. I guarantee it.”
