Well, today I have to be. I’m not looking forward to all these damn doctor appointments; plus, I work. But, at the end of the day, my Lord still has me. He’s trying to keep me as still as he can, but all I wanna do is go, go, go! I’m afraid to give up. I’m afraid to stop trying to save myself. I keep my head up high, and I still try to hold on to the strength I have left. I know sooner or later that strength is going to be gone and lost forever, and I will never get it back because once your liver goes bad, it cannot heal itself.
So, what I’m doing for myself is trying to eat more and healthier. When I drank, I didn’t eat. I go days without eating. Now, I eat at least three times a day, sometimes more. When catching the train, I used to ride up, now I’m walking up the escalators. I’m keeping busy with Street Sense and work. The only thing I can’t do right now is go and visit my mom, which I’m dying to do. I know she misses me, but I’m keeping busy. I call her every morning and every night, sometimes during the day. All she needs to know is that I’m okay. It truly makes her sleep better.
My family is very worried about me, but I let them know I’m doing fine, God’s got me. Last night, I dreamed that my doctor said that it was all a mistake and I’m not going to die. In Jesus’ name, I hope that comes true. I see the doctor again in May. All I can do is pray. I’m asking someone out there to pray for me, too. Sometimes, I listen and cry to myself. This, what I’m facing, and so many others is not easy.
At first, my feet would swell up from the fluid that has gotten on my liver, and I hadn’t gotten my fliud pills yet. But, I have gotten much better. I had a full-time schedule, but I had to stop working on them for so long. It was very painful. Now, I soak them every night, now I’m working on getting my 40 hrs back. I’m up to 34, not including lunch breaks. Now that I finally know what I’m facing, it has gotten a lot easier for me. Not knowing was the problem. It took them two months to let me know my problem, but knowing is half the battle.
Now, I will be going to the doctor every six months, so that they can see my progress. Maybe, just maybe, I’ll get a transplant. Wouldn’t that be a blessing? Well, guys, my time is up. So as usual stay safe and stay clean.
