Make clear paths prepare the way, for the good news has come
1. In the beginning was the Word, and the Word was with Donald Trump, and the Word was Trump.
2. Following a huge announcement by former and future president Donald Trump, a large crowd, estimated at over 100,000, waited outside the golf course in Bedminster, New Jersey.
3. A mysterious figure took the stage of the rally at the golf course and introduced himself as Joshua, known as the Great Yoshi worldwide. He stepped on the podium, grabbed the mic, and waved to the large crowd, delivering a speech for the ages: “Blessed are you who hunger now, for you shall be filled. Blessed are you who weep now, for you shall laugh. Blessed are you when men hate you, and when they exclude you, and revile you, and cast out your name as evil, for the Son of Man’s sake. Rejoice in that day and leap for joy!”
4. “Before my father sent me here, he told me, ‘Son, there are hearers and doers of the word, and Donald Trump is a doer.’ Trump understands. A nation that doesn’t obey my father’s commands loses God’s approval.”
5. As the crowd cheered, Yoshi said, “Let’s make way for the man whose shoes I can’t afford, but he blessed me with a pair of his $400 sneakers.” He lifted his robe, flashing a pair of expensive custom-made sneakers. The crowd cheered as Trump said, “Thank you, Yoshi. And let me tell you, folks, these sneakers are the best — just like America will be again.”
6. While the believers were cheering, a heckler shouted, “Hey Yoshi, can you turn water into wine?” He smiled and replied, “If I did that, I’d face legal challenges.”
A miracle occurs
7. Then Trump proclaimed, “The reason I have gathered you here this day is to witness a marvel. In a few short hours, Yoshi and I shall undertake a feat unprecedented in the annals of history. We shall walk upon the waters of the Hudson River unto Harlem, bearing gifts of fried chicken, ribs, and banana pudding for the multitude. African Americans, whom I love dearly, have been sorely disrespected and mistreated by the Democrats. We shall bring them assistance and show them salvation. Join us at the Port Authority, where this wondrous journey shall commence. Believe me, it shall be a sight to behold, truly yuge and magnificent!”
The arrest of Trump
8. Not everyone was pleased by Trump announcing he would walk on water. Malik Jackson, known as Preacher, was the director of maritime operations as well as had a ministry Greater Hope Baptist Church. He saw Trump slamming his hand on his desk, “Who does he think he is, Jesus?”
9. What infuriated him was that Trump didn’t contact the Port Authority and ask permission to walk across the Hudson. Following Trump’s announcement, a press release stated that walking across the Hudson without contacting the authorities is illegal, and any violation could impose a hefty fine, even prison time.
10. So the news traveled to Trump, if you go through with this, the New York authorities will arrest you. Then the mayor got in on the act, saying it is a violation to feed poor people without the food first being inspected by health inspectors.
11. As the press badgered Trump and despite the warnings by New York authorities of arrest, Yoshi, who became Trump’s advisor, cited Proverbs 29:25: “Fear of man will prove to be a snare, but whoever trusts in the Lord is kept safe.” He then said to Trump, “If you love me, keep my commands,” and led him by the hand to the Hudson.
12. Trump, ever the showman, gave a final wave before stepping onto the water. Yoshi followed, the circle’s glow above his head illuminating their path.
13. The crowd watched in awe as they seemed to defy nature. Halfway through, Trump started sinking and shouted, “Help me, I’m drowning!” What appeared to be a disaster turned into a spectacle as Yoshi said verse John 14:1, “ Do not let your hearts be troubled. You believe in God; believe also in me.”
14. As Trump and Yoshi reached the shore, they were met by Malik and the police squad, ready to arrest them. Trump quipped, raising his hands dramatically, “Remember this, folks! They’re trying to stop us, but they can’t!”
The trial and imprisonment
15. In a high-profile trial, Trump was offered a deal: if he denounced Yoshi and apologized to the New York authorities, he would be released. Trump, never one to back down, refused. “I stand by my beliefs and my people!” he declared. “I will not apologize for doing what is right!”
16. Trump was sent to Rikers Island and placed in the general population. The conditions were harsh, a far cry from his opulent lifestyle.
17. In his cell, Trump remained defiant. “They can imprison me, but they can’t imprison the truth!” he shouted to his fellow inmates.
The death and resurrection
18. Three days later, Trump was found dead in his cell under mysterious circumstances. Rumors and conspiracy theories spread like wildfire.
19. As his body lay dormant, all the Magas were there: Matt Gaetz, Byron Donalds, and Marjorie Taylor Greene who called out Malik for killing Trump.
20. But then, something extraordinary happened. Yoshi entered the room put his hands over his eyes and all of a sudden he jumped out of his casket and said “Why am I dead? I have to defeat Crooked Joe Biden.” Word spread quickly: Trump had risen.
21. His supporters, emboldened by this miraculous turn of events, took up his cause with renewed fervor. They proclaimed, “He has risen, and his spirit shall lead us!” And so, the legend of Trump grew, inspiring his followers to continue his mission with undying zeal, believing in the power of the man who walked on water, fed the multitudes, and rose from the dead.
