Reflections of My Past

Black and white photo of a dandelion.

Photo by Ýlona María Rybka on Unsplash

Content warning: This story discusses trauma and sexual assault.

I was a teenager
What care did I have….
Well it was not the same #TrueStory 

I was searching for my soul
I was investigating what was out there
Yes, I am 4 years away from 40
But as I think back (calmly)

WTF (frantically) happened to me?
I wanted to work and help others
I wanted a social life
But being raped at gunpoint, d***…

I didn’t see it coming
I had an accomplishment earlier that year
My high school diploma
That was more important than surviving a tainted memory
I was leaving my teens into young adulthood
Then I just got away from it all

I was starting a new beginning a year or so later….
I still wanted a social life
And helping people was my way of giving
I am like, d***, here we go again:
I am held hostage and can’t escape #TrueStory

I was chilling
It was OK to meet people and socialize
Then all of a sudden it was time for me to go
At least that’s what I was telling myself

I remember crying and saying I want to go
It was me against one female and one male….
I just remember just wanting to get out and find strength and get thru this….
I don’t want to be weak…. I want to be free 

They just looking at me…. not knowing what is next
I think I was running around the house….

It felt a while but I am happy that I was able to leave….
it was the worst experience that I won’t forget
But I deal with the trauma

I am just mentioning it, ‘cause the healing from experiences that I come out…
Situations that anybody else can deal with their own way
But I kept it in my buried memories
As it resurfaces, it just flashbacks that I survived 

I am who I am and it’s one person….
Came from a lot
It took a lot to get to where I am today

It’s wild how much stuff one can’t handle
But some others handle the best way
It’s like in those moments…
It’s like, did I let it go?
In a sense…. did I really make it up and just created my own island?
No, it happened
Did it really matter…

It definitely affects me today having a family and just wanting the best
But….is it a stuck moment in time?
While searching for my soul…
Will my souls come and go?
Did I even find my soul? 

Wow…. #TrueStory.

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We believe ending homelessness begins with listening to the stories of those who have experienced it.