It’s been something that I’ve been doing for a long time now. It’s not something that comes easily. You try to remove all the hurt and pain from inside of you that comes from the past. Just to move on with your daily life. But somehow you still get time to remember your past. But trust me and take it one day at a time.
You try to take very good care of yourself because today you matter, today it’s all about you. So as you go to your mirror everyday and take a good look in it, whether brushing your teeth or combing your hair or even just looking at yourself, say to yourself, “Look how far I’ve come from there.” Remember all the struggles and trials and tribulations. Then say to yourself, “I’ve changed. I’m a better person today and I’ve learned a lot.” Because look how far you’ve come.
Today take your time and focus on you. If you lose focus, take a deep breath and start your day over. Because when we lose focus on ourselves and focus on others, that’s how we ended up where we were in the first place, putting others before ourselves. Because you can’t take care of nobody else if you can’t take care of yourself. Our problem is worrying about the word NO! Worrying how people would feel if we choose it. Today for ourselves, it’s okay to say no. Learn it, use it. Because again, you have needs too. Don’t let the past keep you trapped in it. Today is a new dawn, a new day. Get out of that past. In the long run no one will keep you out of trouble.
Before, all I thought about was other people’s feelings, forgetting that I have feelings and needs too. I would give someone my last, without having anything for myself. That’s me, that’s Vennie. But today, I value myself. I’m still struggling but I’ve came a long way and learned a lot of new things about myself. I’m not hanging with the wrong ones anymore, those ones that want to use me and control me. Oh, left those behind. You can believe they’re still out there. They have found them another victim, because it won’t be me anymore.
I didn’t realize that I had real family and friends that loved me sincerely. I thought that my family was my enemy. I started calling those crazy people out there my family and left my family alone basically. But all the time my family was showing me love that I was too blind to see.
This struggle that I go through learning to forgive myself is much more than a battle. But I’m not taking it sitting down. I still fight everyday for my place as a normal person in this world that just wants to survive.
So the first thing I do for myself when I wake up is I thank God for letting me see a new day. Whether it’s a s***** day or a gorgeous day. I’m still breathing, my mom is good and I feel blessed. Now I have already figured out my plans for today last night. Praying that I carry them out successfully and nothing gets in my way. Because you always have to be prepared for the enemy. He wants to steal and destroy everything he sees.
So when you get into the mirror you tell yourself, I am not who I used to be, I have changed. My life has truly turned around for me. Today I am somebody. Today I live my life for me. I am beautiful, I am kind, I am intelligent, I am smart, and I am worthy to be blessed.
Things like that, it makes a difference on how you feel about yourself and how you treat yourself. I am not saying be conceited or anything like that, but learn to love yourself again. There is nothing wrong with that. Being strong within can benefit you in the long run. And don’t you let no one tell you different.
Tell yourself, I am somebody. These are called positive affirmations. You use them to rebuild your strength within yourself if you lost it. Because sometimes we can lose it.
So when you’re feeling bad or had a very bad day, pick yourself up and treat yourself to something new. Even if it’s a nice meal. Why not? We deserve it. Who else is going to do it? I know it always makes me feel better inside.
So until next time, stay safe and stay clean.
