Henry is a businessman, who runs a successful restaurant in Washington, D.C.
He loves serving his customers high-quality food, so he came up with the brilliant idea that instead of buying chickens imported from foreign countries, he decided to buy a farm to raise his own poultry.
Henry is a novice who knows nothing about raising chickens, so Henry decided he would teach himself how to raise chickens.
Because he never asked what the difference was between breeding chickens versus roasting chickens, he purchased 50 of the cutest yellow breeding chickens.
Hearing the chickens chirp, a wave of guilt overcame Henry and he treated them like his kids. He built this wonderful coop, complete with a birdbath, brooders, and nests.
Over time, these cute little chicks began changing colors and he noticed two stood out. One, who became bright and orange, was boastful and loud. He decided to name him Brewster. The other one turned black with red gobblers; he named him Dmitri.
As with racehorses, Brewster was a different kind of rooster. He strutted like a peacock with his orange tail feathers flapping to let the hens know he was the Alpha Male.
Dmitri was a serious rooster, never strutting or displaying grandeur; he sat in his nest in the highest coop, overseeing everything that happened.
Henry didn’t want to leave his roosters alone and added hens to his coop. Little did he know, he had too many roosters and not enough hens. Every day, he would open up the coop and see his roosters killed, not by wolves, but by Brewster and Dmitri, for they were insanely jealous of any rooster honing in on their turf.
Chickens have a pecking order, but what if your coop has two dominant roosters? When a hen was involved, Brewster and Dmitri needed to show who ruled the coop. These two roosters would circle each other clawing, stretching, and ready to kill each other over hens.
Roosters are hierarchal birds. Brewster and Dmitri were conquistadors. Early one morning, Brester heard a hen crowing, instead of his appointed rooster. Being overworked, the rooster was too tired to crow, so he sent his hen out to crow. Brewster flapped his orange wings and flipped that rooster’s nest. He rammed into the chicken and chased him around the barn. If he’d caught him, he would have killed him. Luckily, Henry saw feathers flying and saved the rooster’s life.
Brewster told the rooster, “this isn’t America; we don’t do that gender role reversal here. Females stay at home and lay eggs, while men get up and crow. If he ever sees a hen doing the cock-a-doodle do again, you will be someone’s dinner.
Dmitri: one mean rooster
Dmitri may have been bred with chicken hawks. He was so ornery, even wolves and foxes steered clear of him.
He was a conquistador and eliminated all rival roosters with his signature eye pluck to deter anyone from looking at his hens. Unlike Brewster who had zero tolerance for weak roosters, Dmitri was a narcissist and kept many roosters around, as long as they didn’t touch the hens.
As the roosters got older and fathered a lot of hens, Henry felt that the two would become less virile and more peaceful.
All seemed well, until one day during a morning strut, they saw this golden hen taking a birdbath. Her name was Tatiana. As she got out of the birdbath, they noticed her cleavage and her strong thighs.
Only one can survive
Roosters being roosters, this was for all the eggs. Everyone grabbed popcorn to watch the feathers start flying like something from a ninja film. When Dmitri started pecking the ground, he was ready to attack. When Brewster formed a circle and did the “rooster strut,” you knew not to be in the coop with him.
With her “golden eyes” Tatiana said, “Who will have my eggs?” Dmitri rammed his beak into Brewster and injured his leg. As Brewster was hopping on one leg, Dmitri jumped on top of his head with his claw over Brewster’s eye.
With wings flapping and feathers flying, these two roosters went claw to claw wing slapping each other into the fence. As Tatiana looked on as a spectator, Henry saw these two fools pecking at each other over a golden hen. Henry tried to pull them apart when a wolf growled and said, “if you break this up, we’ll eat the hens ourselves.”
Dmitri was giving it to Brewster, blinding him by kicking seed in his face. Dmitri’s wing slapped Brewster so hard, his head hit a feeder blade and almost decapitated him.
His beautiful orange gobble now had bald spots; he was blinded in one eye, and his wings and legs were injured. Everyone thought Brewster was dead. Dmitri strutted like a matador slaying a bull.
Out of the corner of his eye, Brewster saw an electric light. He knew if he had enough strength, he could push him to the switch box and electrocute him.
As the whole farm watched this cock fight, Brewster laid lifeless and Dmitri went for the signature eye gouge. As Dmitri honed in to kill Brewster, he lifted his great orange wing and “Twack” into the switched box. Dmitri felt the electrocution and, just like that, he was dead.
The farmer told the wolves, “dinner’s on me,” and they feasted on Dmitri’s carcass.
Bruised but not defeated, Brewster corralled all the hens from both farms and fathered over 100,000 Grade A chickens. Henry decided to sell the farm and wanted nothing with chickens again.